I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
