do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
