The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
