I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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