U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
