you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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