Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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