I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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