I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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