i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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