Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
