If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
