I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
