On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Life is so much better after having sex.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
