I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
