Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
not ubering you a puppy
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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