That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
