nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
