I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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