I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
