There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
