DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
