So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
