Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
