it's like iHOP with fire
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
