he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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