i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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