Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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