i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
