I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
