my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you would pick up someone in the library
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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