We won't sleep together?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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