Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
