I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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