Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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