My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
