i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
