if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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