It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Let's paint friendship bongs
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
