I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I want a musical about memes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
