I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
