do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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