remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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