We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
