Have you finally orgasmed yet?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I pour the whiskey from now on
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
