Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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