where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My life is pants optional.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
