is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
