I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm at about main and main street
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
