omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she smelled like a LAN party
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
