Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
