And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
