Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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