You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
