I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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