I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
A+ Viking dick
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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