Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
