So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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