Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
