let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
