i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I love having hate sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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