A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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