You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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