Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
