My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize