hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
