and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
