Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
