Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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