it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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