3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
