Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
