The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
