new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
