dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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