i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
