So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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