As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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