i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
