my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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