You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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