So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
