A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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