he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
