i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
