38 yer olds are good kisserssss
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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