Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
True but thats because hes a fetus.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
