i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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