Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize