@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
