I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
