Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
