I hate your face
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
