Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
