Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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