Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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