I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
