booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
