margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
