come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
