This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
