the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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