His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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