My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
