turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
